I am always “the strong friend”,
you know the one you vomit all your problems to.
The ones you cry to.
The ones you unload all your bullshit onto.
The one who listens but is never heard.
When I feel I am drowning and I need a gasp of oxygen,
no one is there to save me.
Like I need to scream and let it all go,
but I am put on mute, and no one hears me.
I feel as if I am over reacting,
or my feelings are insignifigant.
So, I bottle up my feelings,
surpress them until they go away.
I would just say,
“I’m okay, just tired.”
I would just put that mask on.
The one with a grin from ear to ear plasered on it.
When it would start to slip off
and my friends would ask what was wrong,
I would just smile and say, “I’m fine, just tired.”,
adjust the mask, so my secret identity wasn’t revealed.
When I was finally alone I would fall apart.
I have mastered the art of silently crying,
isolating my deep rooted problems so I would feel numb.
Putting on that same happy mask when I would leave my house,
making sure my makeup wasn’t smudged, from crying out my body weight in tears.
Never would I think of revealing my feelings.
It was my biggest fear,
to be vunerable.
Having the spotlight shone onto you,
with what feels like ten milion eyes staring at you.
Until recently I realized I had to
unload my feelings,
cry,
finally feel something.
This is a message for all those who relate.
Speak up.
Feel your feelings.
Destroy that mask sitting on your bookself.
Only wear your true face.
Step down from being the strong one,
but make sure no one is hiding like you did.
No one deserves to feel numb,
or like their problems are insignifigant.
The truth is, if it’s how you feel it matters.
Dear Camdyn,
Your writing is amazing. I love the whole idea of this poem, from the mask that slips off to the symbolism of the tears, you have the ability to create vivid images with your words that leave a lasting impression on anyone who reads it. I admire your courage to write about feelings and matters that usually echo in the walls of our heads. Shutting out feelings is usually my approach, but you showed me how important it is to embrace the sorrows in our hearts in order to overcome them, and for that I thank you.
If you would like to add to this piece I feel like you could elaborate on what a “true face” is. It is beautiful? Is it hard to look at it because it is so scarred? Why should someone take off their mask when illusions of contentment provide so much comfort? It is an interesting idea to explore.
I am glad that I have gotten to know you better this year. Thank you for handling my cringe from Grade 9, and I can’t wait for another semester of creative writing with you!
Nazeefa
Nazeefa,
Thank you for taking time to read my blog and comment. I will definetly think of doing a part two talking about what is under the mask. I’m glad we became closer this year too!! I am sad this semester is coming to a close. But I will be back next year for another jammed pack semester.
Much love, Cammie<3
Dear Camdyn,
This is my first time commenting on your blog and damn! You have this ability to really capture how you are feeling and put that into words, and what really drew me to your writing was how vulnerable you are able to get with the audience. This act of ‘silencing’ yourself and having to be the ‘strong’ friend is a sad but true reality. Often, there is that one person who we can talk and unload our stress on too, but when do we ever think about how they liberate themselves? Never. I am so glad you wrote about this as it is often glossed over as not a big deal when it actually is.
For recommendations, I would say perhaps try maintaining a larger distance between your lines and change the way it looks structurally as I often don’t reading big block pieces.
All in all, you are an amazing writer and one of the most powerful because of how you can really get down to the base of your raw emotions and let us feel what you feel. I know that you have a great future ahead of you, so keep on writing and inspiring!
Sincerely,
Abhay
Abhay,
Thank you for commenting. I am glad you enjoyed my piece and it gave you something to think about. As for being vunerable I feel that is when I get my best ideas, I am not the best at writing if it is something I haven’t experianced or have a strong connection to. In the future I will definetly try to switch up my structure and play around with it. Once again thank you for commenting. 🙂
Much love, Cammie<3