Dear Dad,
When I was a little girl,
I would think of you as my hero.
Someone I would look forward to see.
I would run into your arms and finally feel safe,
Like nothing or no-one can hurt me.
Six-teen years later however,
I only think of you as a coward.
Someone who gave up when it got hard,
Someone who put the girl they “loved” over their family.
Someone who is too weak to fight for your family and would rather move across the country.
Someone who would try and make me turn on the people I loved.
I would say that I hate you but I feel nothing but pity for you.
When needed you most,
when I needed a dad,
You left
You would say,
“It’s okay, I love you and I will never leave you.”
We must have very different definitions of the word
love.
Because I would never treat someone that I love
the way you treated me.
I tried to ignore the warning signs,
The bright red flashing lights going off,
I would put them in my blind spot so I could just be a kid.
But I was forced to grow up,
To deal with my complications,
Only to realize
You thought was easier to ignore these problems,
Putting them in that same blind spot
rather than dealing with them,
As I grew up,
you didn’t,
I finally realized my self worth,
I wasn’t worth getting treated like that,
Only getting a message once a blue moon,
“I love you”,
“Hope you’re okay kiddo.”
what a joke.
I hope one day you will realize what you lost.
I hope one day you will come to your senses.
I hope one day you will apologize.
I hope one day you will realize how much you missed out on.
You weren’t there to watch any of my shows or competitions.
You weren’t there for my fourth or eighth graduation.
You weren’t there to hold me when fell and scraped my knees.
You weren’t there when I needed a dad.
So my question to you is,
Will you be there for me when I graduate?
Will you be there for me when I get married?
Will you be there for me when I have kids?
Will you be there for me when I just need a hug from a father?
I think I already know what you’ll say.
“No, can’t make it, I’m not in town that week.”
Or,
“Sorry I forgot, next time?”
Soon enough there will be no next time.
I want you to be there for my important milestones.
I just need a shoulder to cry on.
I just need a dad.
When I was a little girl,
I would think of you as my hero.
Six-teen years later however,
I only think of you as a nothing,
but a coward.
This is my spoken word. I wrote this about my relationship with my dad. He was never really present in my life as I grew up.
