I am always “the strong friend”,

you know the one you vomit all your problems to.

The ones you cry to.

The ones you unload all your bullshit onto.

The one who listens but is never heard.

When I feel I am drowning and I need a gasp of oxygen,

no one is there to save me.

Like I need to scream and let it all go,

but I am put on mute, and no one hears me.

I feel as if I am over reacting,

or my feelings are insignifigant.

So, I bottle up my feelings,

surpress them until they go away.

I would just say,

“I’m okay, just tired.”

I would just put that mask on.

The one with a grin from ear to ear plasered on it.

When it would start to slip off

and my friends would ask what was wrong,

I would just smile and say, “I’m fine, just tired.”,

adjust the mask, so my secret identity wasn’t revealed.

When I was finally alone I would fall apart.

I have mastered the art of silently crying,

isolating my deep rooted problems so I would feel numb.

Putting on that same happy mask when I would leave my house,

making sure my makeup wasn’t smudged, from crying out my body weight in tears.

Never would I think of revealing my feelings.

It was my biggest fear,

to be vunerable.

Having the spotlight shone onto you,

with what feels like ten milion eyes staring at you.

Until recently I realized I had to

unload my feelings,

cry,

finally feel something.

This is a message for all those who relate.

Speak up.

Feel your feelings.

Destroy that mask sitting on your bookself.

Only wear your true face.

Step down from being the strong one,

but make sure no one is hiding like you did.

No one deserves to feel numb,

or like their problems are insignifigant.

The truth is, if it’s how you feel it matters.